Gay Life – The Paulinator: Crushed by the Crush
You know that feeling that you have, the one in the pit of your stomach, when someone catches your eye and you are almost instantly attracted to this person. We’ve all been there, we’ve all had those school-girl type crushes, heck, I live for those school-girl crushes. It’s the pursuit of the crush that brings about all the questions, “Does he like me the same way? Or should we just be friends?”, “He’s so pretty, what if he’s bad in bed?”
Well, my three month pursuit of Hot Bartender finally ended this past weekend. I would say, “I should have seen the signs coming,” but not only was I blindsided, so were my Sex and the City-esque gal pals.
The three month pursuit started in December when I first met Hot Bartender. All I had in hand were hundred dollar bills and all I wanted was a six dollar beer. While I know the hundred is legal currency, it is somewhat awkward to hand over a bill that large for a drink so cheaply priced. It however was the perfect ice breaker for Hot Bartender and myself. Not only did it lead to a great conversation that night, but the following night when I was back in the bar, it helped continue the conversation. As I mentioned in previous posts, between the holidays and his vacation away from the city, I needed to be patient. For the first time, I didn’t friend request him on Facebook, I didn’t text message him often and I for the most part remained that treasure, and did not do the hunting. That is not to say, I did not drop hint after hint that I was completely interested in him.
Sometimes my fantasies tend to be more than what they actually are. I mean, I like to think I can read a guy pretty well, and when Hot Bartender tended to flirt back, I sensed it was more than securing his tip… especially when the flirting came after hours and via a text message. I couldn’t have made the entire fantasy up without his participation. This is why I needed reinforcements. I assembled three of my most loyal female companions, my Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte (Miranda is my least favorite and I wouldn’t subject a friend to being her) for a night out when I knew Hot Bartender would be working an early shift. My Carrie, Samantha and Charlotte would have no reason to lie to me and would actually inform me if I was making this up in my head and to take some steps back. They didn’t though! In fact it was a unanimous decision that it was clearly not just me, Hot Bartender certainly was flirting and certainly likes me. He won them over one by one, with his music tastes, his charm and his ridiculous good looks. So one by one, my friends (bless them for being excellent investigators and putting up with this for the night) left and soon I was all alone with him. He finished his shift and seemed to be ready to leave, but decided to stay. He sat next to me and we talked for a moment more. Then he got up to leave and that’s when I saw him standing in line for the bathroom making out with another guy. A guy, older than him, and a guy that was certainly not all that attractive. He had come back from the bathroom with his coat on, the older “other man” was nowhere in sight, and I was prepared one last time to put it out there…
Before he reached me, I saw him grab his coat and that’s when I started feverishly typing out the following text message: Do you know what I’m wishing for tonight? When he grabbed his phone from the bar, I sent the message and watched him read it. With a quizzical look on his face he kissed my cheek and said good night. Did he not get it? Was he clearly not interested? And the big question: Did I just waste three months of my life falling for a guy who clearly had no intention for reciprocating these feelings?! Crushed by my crush, I finished my beer, put on my jacket and headed toward the subway. I refused to let it affect me, but before I knew it the tears started to roll down my cheeks. My phone started to vibrate, I looked down and saw the incoming text was from him. I hit read and see the following: “?” Apparently he didn’t get it, the messages that followed closed this chapter…
ME (11:17PM): my one wish was you. But I know it wont happen
Hot Bartender (11:54PM):
Hot Bartender (11:55PM): Sorry. Drunk, headed home.
ME (12:00AM): probably going to take a break. I like you, A LOT and it’s ok it’s probably not returned the same so I’m going to put some distance
So I’m taking a brief pause. He knows how to get a hold of me if he starts to miss me… Funny, I told my Charlotte earlier in the evening, “If it doesn’t happen tonight, I’m going to be devastated, but I will be okay.” Sure enough, Hot Bartender joined the list of boys who’ve I’ve shed tears over, along with Prince Charming and TommyBoy. When it gets to that point, it’s time to take a step back, evaluate the situation and give Latin Lover a call!
Tags:crush, Dating, The Paulinator
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